I'm good enough... damnit!

If I have learned one thing in my 23 years of existence (besides how to walk, I guess), it is that you have to be OK with who you are... no matter what.

Of course everyone has things about themselves that that that would change if given the chance... some may even be working toward those changes, which is great, but that still doesn't negate the fact that he or she should feel whole...with or without those changes.

Growing up I have always had beautiful friends. I don't know why... it just always happened that way. They are beautiful, not just on the inside, but outward as well. Now don't get me wrong... I have been called beautiful myself... I just don't have as many "marketable" features as some of my friends do. It used to bother me, but over the years I have become OK with the fact that I don't look like them. I have even embraced my individuality. I like the fact I look more... original (I guess) than most.

But like I said in the beginning, EVERYONE has things about themselves they want to change. I, myself have a list... a small list, but still. Not all of them are physical things I'd like to change (like I want to become more brave. I want to take chances without thinking of all the logical reasons why I shouldn't do something). But a big item on my list is a physical one. I would love to lose some weight. I haven't always had that wish, but in the last few years, I have wanted it more. Which is why I began working out with a personal trainer last year. I have loved it. Yes I have written on here about it over time, and they haven't always been happy things I've said...

Let me clear something up before I move along any further. I love having the personal trainer... I do NOT love working out. Some people just don't. It is a fact. But having the appointment keeps me going (knowing if I don't show up they will charge me).

While I did have some results... they weren't as grand as I had hoped. Thought I haven't dropped much weight, I have gained a LOT of strength, increased my endurance, and many other positives that I try to focus on. I have gone to see a few doctors to see why the weight hasn't been coming off. I believe my thyroid hasn't been working properly, but it has not yet been proven. Lately I haven't been trying as hard in regards to my eating habits, which I know is part of it. However, I in no way am eating the way I used to. I have modified things recently and feel like I'm headed back down the right path, but still, I don't see anything. It is frustrating.

While I am not going to quit trying (because EVERYONE, no matter how healthy you are, needs to eat right and work out), I have to become OK with myself again. If for some reason this is just how it will stay, I have to be OK with that. I refuse to modify my life. I refuse to feel like I am not good enough because some people think I need to change. I am a healthy person. I work out more than 90% of Americans. I eat healthy (and will try to do so more often). I am beautiful. And I have a bright future ahead of me. I will succeed no matter what (whether it is some how finding a way to get the weight off, or to accept myself the way I am while still working out and eating right). The true people who are meant to surround me in my life will stay. Others may leave, but I know who I am and I know what I'm worth.

Be proud of who you are and what you have accomplished. Let the nay sayers mutter to themselves under their breath, but don't pay any attention. What YOU think matters... what THEY think doesn't :-)

(lather, rinse, and repeat this to yourself in the morning)